when i close my eyes

i am not where i should be

i am not sure where i am to be

just not here

***

i don't know why that thought often haunts me, but it does. i know not where i am to be or what i am to be doing. small town life is not for me, that i know of. i don't mind it, but i just don't see me being me here. well no that sounds wrong, i am me no matter where i am. i'm not one person here and another over there, that would be lying. that's not what i'm about, not now, not ever *heh*

this day is slow moving, and i have been busy, it makes for a long one. it's not a complaint, yet, but it may very well turn into one. why complain though, it gets me no where, right?

plans...hmm can't say i have any for anything soon. mebe i should make some...what to do what to do.

i need to do some Christmas brain storming, that i will do. Christmas, i think it's going to be great, i don't miss having someone around that is always bring me down, mebe it will be fun. alone, i just hate that. but that's all in the mind right? we'll see

meh, 'nuff rambling, it's just too quiet here, the whirring of the computer and fans are lulling me to sleep,...sleep, that sound nice, mebe i should go back to writing. like poetry writing, i think i could do something like that, it has been long enough. i might even post it here, who knows...mebe.

be blessed!
/fin